“Mommy, brother didn’t clean his room!” or “Sister didn’t brush her teeth,” is very different than “Brother is walking alone outside” or “Sister is grabbing a pot from the stove.” Parents and caregivers know when their children are tattling versus telling. But for kids, the difference can be harder to understand. Although many instances of tattling can be harmless, it can also result in real consequences like fostering mistrust, hurting relationships, and creating negative environments.

That’s why it’s important for kids to learn how to strike the right balance between tattling, which is described as a self-serving act done specifically to get someone in trouble or shine negative attention on them, and telling, which serves to create awareness of a situation for safety or another negative consequence.

Teaching kids to make the distinction

Experts say the key is teaching kids to distinguish between tattling—telling on someone to get them in trouble—and telling, which is reporting something serious, unsafe, or harmful. According to the Child Mind Institute, tattling is usually about minor rule-breaking, while telling involves situations where someone’s well-being is at risk. Helping kids learn that difference empowers them to stand up for what’s right without feeling like they’re “snitching.”

Why kids tattle
Younger children especially may tattle because they’re still developing social and emotional skills. They often see rules in black and white and want to be the “rule enforcer.” Sometimes, tattling is a way to seek attention or validation. As one parenting expert notes, tattling can even be a call for help when kids don’t yet have the tools to resolve conflicts on their own.

Teaching the difference
In order for parents to help guide their kids through the difference, experts recommend a few approaches:

• Ask guiding questions. When your child comes to you with a complaint, ask: “Is someone hurt? Is something unsafe?” “Is it something you can handle yourself?” This helps them pause and reflect before speaking.
• Empower problem-solving. Encourage children solve minor issues with their siblings, friends, or even strangers - like asking for a toy back or using polite words -before running to an adult.
• Stress the value of telling. Make it clear that speaking up about bullying, safety concerns, or harmful behavior is always the right choice. Kids need to know adults will take them seriously when they raise real concerns.
• Be a role model. Children watch how adults use honesty in tough situations. When parents demonstrate doing the right thing - even when it’s hard - kids are more likely to do the same.

How parents can help
For Miami-Dade families, resources are available close to home. The Children’s Trust Parent Club workshops are free, countywide sessions that cover a wide range of topics, including managing sibling conflicts, handling peer dynamics, and raising confident, resilient children. Workshops are offered in English, Spanish, and Creole, in-person or virtually, with flexible times that fit into busy schedules. Parents also receive practical tips, free child care during sessions, and even raffle entries for prizes.

Regular attendees can also take advantage of the Parent Club Pass, a rewards program that provides access to exclusive giveaways, concerts, sporting events, movies, and local attractions. Parents and caregivers qualify after completing three workshops, making it both fun and rewarding to invest in family learning.

The bigger lesson

Helping kids know when to speak up isn’t about silencing them - it’s about teaching them that their voices matter most when they’re used to protect, to stand up for what’s right, and to build stronger, kinder communities.

For more information on workshops and resources, visit TheChildrensTrust.org/ParentClub.