Program Spotlight

Parents Learn to Own - and Control - Their Anger in YWCA Workshops

Stephanie Salguero says her 2-year-old son is too young for her to practice the anger management skills she’s learning with him, so instead she’s using the new tools with her younger brother and sister, ages 7 and 9.

Salguero, a 22-year-old single mother, is back living in her parents’ home with her siblings, just blocks from YWCA Marta Sutton Weeks Center, where she’s attending a series of parenting workshops.

For the session “Helping Children Express Their Anger Appropriately,” Stephanie joined a handful of other young parents – some couples, some single parents – who are acquiring skills to help them parent more effectively. The 8-class workshop series, funded by The Children’s Trust, is offered free of charge.

To start the class, facilitator Rosario Hidalgo had the class review “I Statements,” a way of communicating that avoids blaming others if you’re feeling frustrated, angry or sad, and instead has the speaker take responsibility for those feelings.

“I don’t know if it’s me, but it’s hard to remember not to blame others,” said Adriana Yoshii, a young married mother. Yoshii described the scenario of the past weekend: she was sick, her husband was out of town, the children wanted to talk with Dad but his cell phone was off and they couldn’t contact him. She was frustrated and, when they finally talked, she didn’t feel her husband listened well.

YWCA parenting workshops help strengthen family bonds and improve communication

Furman Livingston, who attended the session with his wife Elaine Storr, said his anger escalates when he’s frustrated and there’s no one around. “If I can’t talk to nobody, it’s like I’m being ignored,” said Livingston, the father of three young children.

“You have to remain conscious of what you’re saying and doing,” urged Hidalgo. “Anger starts little by little and then grows to the point where it gets explosive.” She urged Livingston and the others to find non-violent ways to express and diffuse anger. Exercise, running, dancing, martial arts, poetry – anything you like to do is effective, she said.

Hidalgo, employed with EnFamilia, has been facilitating anger management workshops for five years and often counsels parents facing adjudication as a result of uncontrolled anger, cases that involve child neglect or abuse. With those parents, she “comes down hard” to emphasize how critical it is that they deal with anger.

In this class, she mentions factors that influence or heighten anger – alcohol, drug abuse, childhood exposure to neglect or abuse. She touches on neglect and abuse several times during the class, but doesn’t dwell on the subject. “These are just young parents trying to learn; still, I want them to know that there’s a consequence for not dealing with anger.”

The students read and discussed excerpts from the class text, “Nurturing Parent: Break the Cycle.” The text identifies a color-coded anger scale – and suggests taking action before your frustration builds.

“Do something when you’re in the blue zone, by the time you’re in the orange zone you’re going to lose control,” Hidalgo tells the class.

“When you get to that point, you’re just blind,” says Yoshii, “if we really feel our bodies and minds, if we recognize the anger – we can handle it.”

Hidalgo echoed Yoshii’s point.

“Anger is only an emotion, given proper education it can be controlled,” she said, adding, “embrace your anger – don’t disown it. Sometimes you’re angry and you make changes. You need it. When you can own your anger, you can control it.”

Next year, the YMCA celebrates 90 years of working to eliminate racism and empower women.

“We’ve stayed true to our mission and logo,” said Gussie Flynn, director of Development and Community Relations, “but our efforts go way beyond that.”

Today the YWCA’s programs and initiatives include advocacy work in Washington, D.C., after-school and summer-camp programs, early learning centers, support for pregnant teens and the young fathers, a holistic approach to strengthen families, and fitness programs like yoga for adults, teens and even children.

Around Miami-Dade County, the YWCA operates after-school programs and summer camps at 22 sites in collaboration with the public schools. Six early learning centers support development in young children, and two “drop-off” centers – at the Lawson E. Thomas Courthouse and Richard E. Gerstein Justice Building – are an asset to both the court system and parents.

The YWCA is doing its utmost, Flynn said, to reach parents and let them know about the many services offered. She said the YWCA seeks to collaborate with more agencies in an effort to provide maximum community support, especially at a time when funding is tight.

The YWCA begins another Parent Workshop series of eight classes on Tuesday, Jan. 6, 2009. Classes are from 4:30-6 p.m. Call (305) 377-9929 Ext. 204 for information.

Written by Michael R. Malone, The Children's Trust