"If a lion could speak, we would not understand him," said philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein. Do you ever feel like you can't understand your child, even though you speak the same language?

Parents who want to communicate better with their children don't need to learn the meaning of words like "drippy" or "wavy." Instead, they should focus on acknowledging their child's feelings through language and listening to better understand what they're going through. After all, you probably sound like a lion trying to speak to them sometimes, too.

Talk about big feelings

While adults may perceive tantrums as “dramatic,” children are experiencing big emotions but may not have the communication and regulation skills to calm themselves down quickly. Instead of reacting to the 15th tantrum of the day with, “You’re fine,” acknowledge their feelings with a statement like, “You seem upset about that.” Children who can name and understand feelings can regulate them better. According to a 2021 study focusing on labeling emotions and what causes them, the “early ability to identify and label difficult facial emotions in early childhood is associated with better emotional regulation in adolescence and enhanced activity of cognitive control regions of the brain.”

Next time the family is together, discuss what you can do when you feel certain emotions and chat about times you have or haven’t managed them yourself.

Strive for autonomy

Your child may seem like a different person every few days. One day, all of the people your child has been over the years will walk out of the door at the same time. Our job as parents is to equip them with the skills to make it wherever they go, which begins at a young age by encouraging self-sufficiency.

Letting them make decisions and start problem-solving from a young age is essential. You can give them a nudge in the right direction by giving them information about something they can use to inform decisions, like “Stepping on Lego hurts” or “Ants love jelly. What do you think we should do?” Your suggestions and questions will vary depending on the age of your children but should inspire them to think on their own.

Communicate through cooperation

Families need to work together as a team to function. While self-sufficiency begins at a young age, expecting a child to do some tasks without direction is not always realistic. If you're frustrated about the same mess or destructive behavior, the best way to discourage it is to meet it with cooperation instead of blame. "You always leave trash on the side!" will likely be met with anger and could escalate a situation. Instead, try saying something like, "There's a trash can on the side to clean up."

Praise the right way

We've all done it - heaped praise on a child because they've put a couple of blocks on top of each other or drawn a picture that vaguely resembles an animal. It's easy to overreact when it's our children with grand statements like "You're so clever!" or "You're so good at drawing," instead of praising the effort they've put into a specific task. Try saying, "You worked really hard on that picture." Understanding the importance of the effort involved in completing a task rather than a personality trait builds motivation and self-esteem.

Parents can get swept up in providing children things without acknowledging what they want or need. If your child is having an emotional day, ask them, “What do you need from me?” Not only will this build your bond, but it’ll also make them more comfortable talking to you about what’s going on in their lives.